I was angry. I am very hungry. If they stop talking I can pretend I have calmed down and can eat. Food is served and is sitting just in front of me. "Are you going to eat or not?". There you go. I can't eat for some more time now. "I don't want food". "Will you let it go?", mother tells me. "What do you mean let it go, I didn't do that. How can you blame me and make me look like a bad girl", "didn't you do that(2)", chithi tells me. "No, that is not how it happened". "OK, let it go", chithi tells me. "No, it is not like that. Why can't you all believe that it was not me", Chithi tells something and mother tells another thing, and I reply them with facts, "what are you? a lawyer?", "it is about right and wrong, I am giving you the facts". "She is handling all of us at a time without any problem. She doesn't have respect for elders, she doesn't stop replying". I am hungry and feel self pity for being framed like this. I don't want to eat. Nobody cares to see the right and wrong. I am just telling everything clearly. They don't want to know. "eat and get it finished for God sake, we have to eat as well".. "Oh, that is it, you want to eat and you want to finish off with me. you don't care about me". "Let us eat, she won't finish it. if we keep talking to her, she will keep arguing like a lawyer. She can even handle more than two people at a time". They are eating. I am hungry. They are not telling me to eat anymore. I can't eat myself, that will be pathetic. I felt pity for myself. I am a pathetic loser. I have nobody who would want to bother to know and care about me. I can’t eat now. I should not eat now. I am hungry. I wish they didn’t overdo the argument. I could have eaten my food. They leave the place. Aachchi (mother’s mother, periyaachchi’s sister) comes in. “What Lathappillai. You still haven’t eaten. Why are you so adamant? You should never show your anger to food. Food is “Annam”, the Goddess you know. You should never disrespect the Goddess. Eat it”. I start crying and tell her, “They don’t want to know how it happened. They are blindly accusing me and arguing with me, they are twisting my words, but they are blaming me for being like a lawyer”. “You know what, let them go to hell. Those two are always like that. Just ignore them and eat it. Oh god, it is noon already”, she looks outside, looks at the shadows to judge the time and starts mixing the food for me. A big ball of food is inserted into my mouth. I can’t stop crying as I feel more "self pity" now. “You should not cry when the food is in your mouth, you will get cough. Stop crying, swallow it first, then you can cry”. I swallowed it. Before I could continue my crying there was another big ball of food inserted into my mouth. “Don’t talk while eating; finish eating first then we can talk about how it happened, OK?”
Place:- Kombai, Age:- 4 to 16, several times.