Blog-a-thon 2006

Prescript: A pretty lengthy post. I promise I will make it worth your time. Thanks.


All same, two eyes, two hands, two legs, perhaps a better brain, unfortunately an additional pair of breasts.

I feel very proud about how I have come so far. Every time I feel that whatever I was so happy about until then have become just nothing in comparison to whatever I was happy about at that point of time. Where should I start? It goes a long way back. I have to start at some point. As this is all about my job, let me start from the day I joined here. Well, how can I not include how did I get this job. It was miracle in itself. It was my celebration day. I still can’t believe that I got this job. G told me that now she can believe that she can get a job too, if not today, oneday, she says. It was the day we all got some hope in our lives. Everyone in my class was happy, not just for me, for themselves too. It gave them hope. S was worried about me. He said it was not good for me to go that far. He said men are not that good. What does he know. Being ugly helps me. I laughed and told him that I can go anywhere anytime. I am not scared about men. Before he said anything, I stopped him. “No, it is not what you think. I am not talking about my will power, women liberation whatever nonsense I usually talk. I am not scared, because, I don’t think anyone would want to rape me. That is the advantage of being ugly”. I laughed. Ph took efforts to come and see me, especially to advise me, rather put some sense into my head that I should not make a mistake of accepting this job. what? it is the best place in the country. No. 1 organisation in the country. How could he be so narrow minded to tell me that I should not go that far? Ri was supportive. He came with me wherever I went. He wanted to spend his time for the last time with me as we don’t know we are going to meet ever again. OK, ok, let come back to track. Forigve me if I go offtrack, sidetrack and all tracks other than the main track. I am just on the top of the world. Will tell you all about it.

I have to get ready. I took the sandal colour salwar kurtha. I think it will suit me. It will go with my washed hair looking pure and fresh. I can’t stop thinking about what RS told. He is one of the big cheeses in our HQ you know. I was stunned and speechless when he said “P..., mm, it rings a bell”, when I introduced myself to him, “Sir, I am P, workin..”. Wow. Wow, means a big wow you stupid. He is a bigcheese. He knows my name? wow. It rings a bell? Wow. I still remember the day I first met RC. I didn’t know who he was at that time. It was a conference. It was in my hometown, well kind of, it was in my college, where I studied. So, I started helping my friends in the reception. I didn’t look/feel like a delegate. It was just a year ago I was a student here. Nothing looks/feels different. I still feel like a student. People are same. RN Sir came running asking me to sing a song in Sanskrit to start the conference, as the player didn’t work. I don’t know any Sanskrit. I sang Maasil veenaiyum. This is what brought RC to me. He came looking for me during tea time. He introduced himself. He was surprised that I was working and not a student anymore. A self absorbed a** I am, I was all proud and started telling my stories, didn’t ask who he was. He is head of a division in A-branch. Wow. He asks for me whenever he comes to our office. We go for lunch together. He prefers spending time with me rather than with big heads whenever he is in our office. He doesn’t like silly politics. He is a gem of a person. I got to know him a lot during our lunch hours. I am very proud. Not because he is big cheese, well that too, but mainly because he is a great human being. And he prefers to be with me. Wow.

I am asked to co-ordinate the presentations Director is going to do in our institute. It means that I will be his assistant whilst he is here. Director has remarked a few times that I am very good. “Sharp” is the word he used. Wow. All marks and ranks I have got before in my entire life go simply nothing in comparison to his remarks. He asked me to read those articles and explain them to him the next day, as he doesn’t have time to read them himself. He trusts my understanding abilities to that level? Wow. I did brief him about those articles in the morning when he was taking breakfast. He is so active and workaholic. It was yesterday. Yesterday went so busy. I was involved in few meetings as well. It felt so great to participate in the discussions. I did get a few appreciations for my inputs. Lifetime opportunities. Should be very sharp and crisp in these occasions you know. I made most of it, I believe. It is not just the appreciation you get is important. The experience itself is so great, so great. Observing others points, remembering everyone’s agenda, well the secret ones as well, remembering the politics and playing by it and playing so safe so sharp and so crisp… It is an experience you can not get by paying and doing a course. Wow.

Well, I am getting late. I should stop this day dreaming habit. That is one thing I should do immediately if I want to take this experience any further, and make anything useful out of it. I should grow better. I should develop those qualities. I should become thick skinned, observant, and what not. I am not greedy, but who knows, I might become a big cheese myself one day? Why not? Stop, stop for godsake. Where is that comb. Urghhh.. that key!. “Aunty, could you please use your key to lock my room? Thanks”. Leaving a key with the house owner, who lives just by the other side of the house, comes very handy you know.

Haaaa. It was a long day too. Very busy. Very busy. Running all over the place, when projector was not working when the coffee didn’t come in time, when Director wanted few books (your selection of books are so sweet, sugar. I have not seen this book before. Who is the author? Can I take it? Oh, do you use this normally. Wow that explains where you got your brainy answers from). Anyway, it went well, as the Englishmen say. :-) It did go well. It was good in fact, it felt so good. I have to go back. Director has asked me to come for another discussion. He is staying here tonight. He doesn’t waste time. He is going to discuss about that project until, well, he sleeps I suppose. RJ is coming too. RJ is everyone’s pet. He is loaded with this type of work by all these bigheads. It is coming to me now. RJ doesn’t do subject oriented discussions. He has forgotten all about it. He left college ten years ago. (He studied in my collge too). He is long absorbed into administration these days. I don’t know anything about administration. It is an art by itself. I have to learn that. I have a lot to learn. RJ is very good. I have to learn those things from him. Now I have to go. It is getting late. Director does things very quick. I have to go.

“Come in”. I smile. “Sit down”. I take the chair and sit down. “No, no, come here. Sit here. We are going to read that book. I want you to read that book for me. I want you to explain as you go along. I want you to show the book as well. It has some good pictures that go with the explanations. I want to see them; I am a physicist you know. I am a scientist”. He laughs. “Wait, should we use the laptop to work in the mean time as well? Ya, we should. You know what P, I am not as techi as you young brains are. I am an old man. I have asked RJ to come and teach me computer. He will be coming now”. I start the system. I start the software. I open a worddoc to type. “wait wait, what are you doin? Slow, slow. I want to learn. Didn’t I say I want to learn. What did you do?”, “Sir it was ctrl, and C to copy and ctrl and V to paste”.. what, ctrl, and C… no sir, press ctrl, I mean that button, yes, yes, that one. Don’t leave. Press the button C. yes this is to copy. Where did it copy? It hasn’t copied yet sir. Why? We haven’t selected anything sir. You said ctrl and C copies. Yes, sir, but we have to select it using our mouse sir… you young people, go slow, go step by step, tell me what is the first thing I have to do. Do not tell me something and then ask me to go back and forth… ok sir. Use your mouse, select the text…. Knock knock…. RJ comes in. Ah, you don’t need me anymore. You have P. No no. come in. sit. She is teaching me to select, copy and what is next? Paste sir. Where? Wherever you want sir. Where do I want? I don’t know sir…you should know. He smiles. RJ laughs. I smile too.

RJ leaves after some discussion. It was something politics. I don’t understand much of it. Anyway. We have to finish this document today. I have to walk home and come back in the morning. There will be the article briefing session in the morning during his breakfast time…He is grinnig differently. Did he ask anything I didn’t notice? I should stop this day dreaming slipping into my own thought process thingy.. Why is he grinning? He is holding my hand.. Doesn’t look like it is to do with the mouse. He is holding my hand close to by elbow. We are sitting far away from the system. I am sitting in front of his desk. We have moved away to the desk a long time ago. He is sitting opposite to me. I am holding the book. I am having papers and papers all around me I have been using to explain things to him. He found sitting opposite to each other convenient as we needed to look at each other during our discussions. He is holding my hand and grinning at me. Did he put an argument which I didn’t get? Why is he grinning at me? “I am very influential you know”. I know. He is THE Director. He is THE BOSS. The tube light inside me eventually lit and lit bright. I start shaking. My hearbeat goes faster. Still confused. He advances his hand. I freeze. Damn freeze.

Walk back home was very cold. “Sharp” is the word he used. My sharp brain worked eventually. My polite “I will ask RJ to come hereafterwards Sir” taking his hands off me putting in its place feels like something I did in one of my day-dreams. It was a cold walk back home.

PS: give me a title please.

PPS: this did not get lost in silence. there is a big story after this episode.

PPS: RS and RC did not do anything ever wrong. They are good men. Just wanted to give a glimpse of good men as well in the post. They were/are indeed good men. Great human beings. I still adore RC.