Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Death of a friend

Someone told me that Venkateshwari had passed away sometime back. I didn't know how to feel. I was not shocked with sadness, but yes, the news was a shock and I was sad. We were good friends. I wouldn't say we were the best friends, as, doesn't that term allow only two people in and expect them to be very loyal to each other in that relationship? We weren't like that. We were loyal to each other alright, but we were friends with others too. We were a group of girls who were good friends. one of them died and I didn't even know. I guess these things will start to happen as the life goes on. I reason with myself. I haven't seen her since the last day in school. I can't remember what we did in our last day. It was good that we did that photo shoot, as I remember that day very well. Mala couldn't come as their family didn't let her. I normally don't tell my family such things. Nagarthinam's family was fine with our photo shoot. We all gathered at her place and went for the photo shoot. I remember very well. Probably that was the last day I remember being with Venkateswari very well. She wore my thavani for the photo shoot as she didn't have a good one for the occasion.


I don't feel any sudden loss just because the news is death. I have lost her since I last seen her, or I suppose, I last remember being with her. It was a slow departure and was a very natural one for me. The news on the other hand was about unnatural and sudden departure. Physical death only brings a closure to the already lost one. In Lakshmi's case she is still around, but the loss has happened. It is not the life's natural course that has brought the loss, but the loss has happened. I was not shocked but was sad. I knew it was inevitable and would happen eventually. I knew. I was relieved that it brought my agony to an end. It brought me sadness too. I don't know what made me lose her slowly, but the departure was not sudden although it seemed sudden. It was good and bad. Good that the agony ended and bad that the pleasures ended too.

I am still grieving. Sometimes angry, sometimes relieved and sometimes sad as well. I am still grieving.