Kavitha is the popular girl in our class. Her friend circle is the popular circle as well. They are from same school from first standard. One of their mother is our PET teacher. Sudha she is. She also is a dancer. We, the tamil medium to English medium gang, we have our own circle too. It is like the middle class life. Myself, Chandravadhana, S. Premalatha (another Premalatha), Latha (this is another Latha), Rajavadhana, Radhi,… Some of us live in the hostel. In hostel, it is Rajavadhana who is the princess. Radhi is her own princess. I am close to Radhi. I can talk in the same wavelength with her. The way she has changed her name to Radhi is cool. Her full name is ------… Radhi and Rajavadhana are cousins and there is a family issue between them that makes them stay in two separate groups and still form one group… whatever. I am there, or try to be there in all groups. I really like to be included in whatever the kavitha’s group talk. Generally they don’t include me. Because they are day-scholars and so, I do not fit with them. More over, I cannot speak in English, definitely do not know anything about most of their talks. Whenever I tried to go to them, this is what the first question they ask. “How are boys like? Did you really study with boys in co-ed all these years? Do you have a boy-friend?” I never understood what the big deal was. All these years when I was in my school with all those boys, nothing felt anything different. They are the same lot as my girl-friends lot. All types. All the same. Do, I have a boy-friend? Yes, friends in boys are boyfriends, aren’t they? Yes I do. Many. Yesterday was Kavitha’s birthday. She was in new clothes. I went to greet her. She said it is not a big deal, and shrugged off. I didn’t know how to continue the conversation. She was talking about books. Her brother is in college and whenever he comes home, he brings gifts for her. They are mostly books. Her brother is very popular among her friends as well. He is like a celebrity for them. I don’t know what books he brings, but, “books” is the term they use. It is supposed to mean they are all intellectuals and they are all of different league. I have read books. But, I refer them by their titles. That itself tells that I am not in their league, doesn’t it. Anyway, I tried to find out what books, but she never told, or I didn’t get whatever she told. They are English books anyway. I am not going to know. Reading “books” wearing “modern” clothes, talking in English.. I don’t have anyof those. But, to my surprise, I continue to get their attention. I don’t know how. Sometime they are interested in talking to me and finding about me as well. They want to find out why I don’t like to wear pottu (bindhi), flowers, turmeric on face… etc.. Kind of cool, that they think I am different and/or a cool girl. It takes me out of the general lot to their level. I intend to keep this on. Also, I don’t wear gold chain, because no one gave me one, but they think I am against it. Cool. I intend to keep it that way. Will this promote me to one of those “princesses”? No, you have to have a brother who brings books and you have to have a father who earns a lot and you have to wear those.. well, it doesn’t look like I can reach there, but I am one of the princesses in my own way. Radhi is one. Aruna is much more matured. She amazes me with her “reality” talks. She thinks that I am a “reality” talker too. Cool. Aruna and Radhi are best friends and they include me in their circle. But, my own best place is Chandravadhana or Radhi. Radhi lives with me in hostel and Chandra sits with me in my desk. I have found that I share a lot of things in common with them. We are the “middle class” girls. Radhi is the princess of our middle class. Chandra takes care of me whenever I am confused. I am Vinayaki's best, and her "own place". She has a lot going on in her life. I take care of her when she is in need of a friend. The circle and the cycle continues..
On the other day when I went to receive prizes for scoring first in the last term exams, Chandra put her gold chain around my neck, when no one, including myself, expected, in the school prayer when I was rushing to the front…I was overwhelmed with her gesture and cried a little as well. As I had to stay in the front to receive all those five prizes (four for each subject first and one for being the overall first), that gold chain shined around my neck all the time, and attracted everyone’s eyes. Vinayaki had given me her good clothes for that day, so I was looking all different that day. Kavitha later said that I disappointed her. I dissappointed Aruna too on that day, by accepting, rather pleased about, the good clothes from Vinayaki. I dissappointed Radhi when I sang and danced in one of our hostel entertainment evenings. Chandravadhana said, ignore them. I couldn't. I dissappointed my chithi for being a not-a-good girl in school. I dissappointed her by not living upto her expectations. I dissappointed her by not keepping our family well respected, by not being a likeable girl by evereone. Hope she doesn't find out that many girls in my school do not like me.
PS: if it is incoherent and doesn't close, or doesn't convey anything, it is because it is deliberate and/or just what I got when I started writing it.